


With Optimism

by Rivulet027



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Depression, Episode Fix-it, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Kryptonian Ray Palmer, M/M, Mick Rory centric, Mick Rory/Leonard Snart (past) - Freeform, Past Child Abuse, Season/Series 02, Starting Over
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-18
Updated: 2017-03-18
Packaged: 2018-10-07 07:22:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10355127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rivulet027/pseuds/Rivulet027
Summary: Post Episode Compromised Fix It. Ray returns the cold gun to Mick, they discuss where they want their partnership to go.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with DC. It's not my toy box and I'm merely playing.
> 
> A/N: Mick is not in a good headspace in this fic. He's depressed and talks about SI. If that's going to bother you please don't read. The idea to make Ray Kryptonian came from the actor having played Superman in a movie I haven't seen, however since there is no on their world version of Superman or Supergirl it's interesting to come up with a what could've happened to them. It's been presented here as Ray having been adopted by two scientists who then came up with ways to keep his powers from being something he had access to.

Mick leans in the doorway of his room and scowls. He really didn’t need another draining day. He just wants to lie in his bed and not move, but he knows he won’t sleep. With a resigned sigh he collapses into a chair and roots around in a nearby box, before remember that he drank himself to sleep the night before and he isn’t about to turn that into a habit. With an annoyed groan he tilts his head back and stares up at the ceiling light. This whole thing with giving Ray Len’s cold gun is making him ache, one of those stupid emotional aches that turns physical until he just doesn’t want to move. Now the cold gun is gone. He wants to be angry about it, but he doesn’t have the energy. The only good thing about not dying from the bomb was that he got to finish that donut and the happy look on Ray’s face.

He shouldn’t have gone and gotten attached. He shouldn’t have let Ray get attached. 

He tilts his head enough to bring his door into his eye line when he hears someone in the hall. He should’ve shut his door. He tilts his chair upwards when Ray turns into his doorway holding the cold gun.

“What’d you do?”

“It’s fixed,” Ray reassures. “No upgrades, no changes. I just fixed it.”

Mick stares, feet hitting the floor as he sits up fully. He watches, wearily, as Ray holds out the gun. He shouldn’t want this. He should push Ray away. He should end their friendship. He shouldn’t acknowledge his feelings. He shouldn’t risk Ray.

He needs Len to keep his appetites in check. He needs Len to be a sounding board. He needs Len so he will stop feeling so guilty. He needs Len to tell him what he already knows, that this isn’t all grief, he’s in a depressive state and possibly hitting suicidal. He knows it’s telling that he’d hadn’t really cared that he was going to die in an explosion, while eating a donut, as Ray frantically tried to save them. He still feels apathetic about surviving. 

He’s so fucking tired. He shouldn’t look up at Ray’s face because once he takes in the weariness there he’s going to only feel sympathy.

He does. He sighs, exasperation with himself leaking through. “Keep it.”

Ray looks guilty. It’s been months since he’s since he’s seen this look on Ray’s face. He hates that look because it reflects how he feels about surviving, how he feels about Len taking his place at the Oculus. 

Mick wets his lips. “Rebuild your suit.”

He needs a drink. He doesn’t have the energy for this.

“It wasn’t his jacket,” Ray offers softly. 

“Sure looked like it.”

“I had Gideon make a copy,” Ray admits. “I wouldn’t have risked that.”

Mick sighs and stares at the floor, as he admits softly. “Figured. It didn’t smell like him.”

Ray makes a sympathetic noise, then goes silent.

Mike realizes he’s going to have to help again. He’s going to have to acknowledge Ray’s feelings of inadequacy and help again. He’s so tired. “You saved me from becoming a zombie. That was you, not a suit. You’re important to the team.”

“Professor Stein saved you.”

“You saved me,” Mick contradicts. “I could’ve killed you. I almost did.”

“Almost?”

“Was able to stop myself,” he manages to say, then glances up and sees Ray nod.

Ray raises his head slowly, meets his eyes, and Mick isn’t sure he wants to hear the question he can see brimming on Ray’s face. Ray takes a deep breath then shakes his head. “Is it okay if I ask you something that’d you’d might know from having been Chronos?”

Mick grunts his acknowledgement. Their eyes meet. Ray’s eyes are pleading. 

“You have no poker face,” Mick complains, then motions with his hand for Ray to continue.

Ray steps inside his room, makes sure the door shut. Mick raises his eyebrows. Ray leans against the wall and doesn’t say anything, it’s clear he’s waiting. He wants Mick to verbalize his permission.

“Yes. Ask.” Mick grumbles. 

Ray wets his lips, glances up at the ceiling for a moment, takes a slow deep breath, then asks without looking at Mick, “Could a Kryptonian have survived the Oculus exploding?”

“No. Do you want me to explain?” Unless they were really good with super speed, but Ray obviously doesn’t need to hear that.

Ray’s voice is tight and Mick imagines his eyes are closed. “I’d rather you didn’t.”

Mick scowls looking Ray up and downs slowly. “I’ve seen you get hurt.”

Ray meets his eyes then, tilts his head, forehead doing that crinkle it does when he’s concerned, but unsure what to say.

“What’d you do, Haircut?”

“What do you mean?” Ray asks, face shifting to confusion.

“Why do you think you’re a Kryptonian?” Mick pushes.

“I asked Gideon.”

Mick huffs and collapses back into his chair. “Explain.”

“Mick?”

Mick grunts.

“Are you okay?” Ray frowns, looking him over.

Mick sighs and tilts his head back so he doesn’t have to look at Ray. “I don’t want to talk about my problems right now. Focus on yours.”

“I worry about you,” Ray offers softly.

Mick swallows because this is it. This is the moment where he either decides to be self-less and push Ray away, possibly to go gallivanting off with Nate, or where he’s selfish and acknowledges a want. Mick sighs. He’s always been selfish, hasn’t he? He goes with his gut more often than not and doesn’t think things through down to…Mick can practically feel Len’s disdain for him thinking less of himself, for not acknowledging his intelligence, for letting others underestimate him, but Len isn’t here and Mick’s never been good at defending himself, least of all from himself. He also not interested in romance often, he’s not sure if he’s surprised or angry with himself for feeling this again so soon after losing Len. He’s not sure he should want Ray when he’s certain he’s only going to screw it up between them and possibly lose his place on the crew. Mick focuses on Ray, takes him in slowly, and isn’t sure which move he wants to make.

“We were friends,” Ray continues. “We were…we almost, when you came back for us after we’d all been lost in time I thought…”

All he has to do is tell Ray he knows what the other man thought and deny himself what he wants. He’s never been good at that. Mick exhales, forces himself to focus on the breath leaving his body as he plants his feet, stands slowly and admits in a low growl, “I ain’t good at this part.”

“This part?” Ray’s forehead does that crinkle again.

What is he supposed to say? He and Len started with a fight, arguing until Len figured out Mick was mad because he’d gone and got feelings that he’d never had before. He knows how to do the middle of a relationship. He knows how to break up, but come back together. He know how it feels to end with one of them dead after thirty years. He’s not sure he knows how to handle that it’s ended. He’s not sure he’ll be any good at starting over. Len would’ve already taken one look at him and dragged him to the infirmary. He’s deep into what Len used to call his Eeyore façade. His eating habits have changed. He loves eating, but when he’s depressed it’s more focused, less nutritional. He’s beginning to not care if he’s alive anymore. It’s why he took that stupid job that wasn’t planned well, if he’s caught they’d have at least tried to give him a med adjustment. Then Ray’d shown up and gotten him out of there and he hasn’t looked back since. He should’ve gone to see his shrink after explaining what’d happened to Lisa. Shrink would’ve given him a med adjustment and probably sent him to grief counseling. Maybe he could’ve avoided this clusterfuck of feeling guilty over of wanting to step forward and close the distance between him and Ray. He’s not supposed to feel like this, not so soon after losing Len.

“I haven’t had to do this part,” he explains slowly, “the starting, not for decades. You can do better.”

He stands and crosses over to Ray before the other man can protest. He pokes Ray in the chest and tells him to explain. Ray looks confused for a moment, then glares at him. “Isn’t that my choice?”

“You’re…we’re not talking about the same thing.”

“No,” Ray contradicts. “You’re trying to change the subject.”

“You changed it on me first!” Mick glares.

Len would argue back, Ray just smiles at him, fingers brushing at the edge of his shirt. Mick steps closer. He’s should push Ray away, but he finds himself moving in, looking the other man over.

“Kryptonian?” he clarifies.

Ray nods. “I was adopted, but when I tried to look into the records everything was faked. I thought Gideon might be able to help and she tells me I’m not even human so…”

Mick frowns. “Your parents were scientists. What’d they do to you?”

“Don’t,” Ray chokes, eyes staring over Mick’s shoulder blankly as he shakes his head. “Mick don’t.”

Mick stills. He’s only seen Ray look that blank once before, after rescuing him from that dinosaur. Mick crowds in close and Ray sways into him. Mick cups his face, rubbing his thumbs against Ray’s cheeks. Ray takes a slow breathe, then another, before looking at him.

“Don’t,” Ray whispers. “I had a really a good childhood, better than most. I’m not ready to give that up.”

Mick’s not sure what to say. “The last time you were this upset I kissed you.”

“I’m not as upset as I was…” Ray trails off and their eyes meet. “You made me take a shower after, then helped me cut my hair, then wash it again.”

Mick’s lips quirk upwards. “Took forever to get your haircut back, Haircut.”

Ray grins at him, on anyone else it’d be a full grin, but on Ray it’s dim. Mick wants to confess that the kiss had fucked with his head. He’s not sure he has any right to move on this quickly, not after thirty years. He’s really sure he shouldn’t when every day is a reminder of how worthless he is. Ray’s so bright though and he wants some of that for himself. His fingers flex against Ray’s cheeks as he demands, “Tell me not to.”

Ray doesn’t. He leans in instead. The kiss is slow, languid. Mick lets himself get lost in the feeling, until Ray’s hand brushes his shoulder and he’s still holding the cold gun. Mick steps back, takes the gun from Ray and puts it away. 

They stand there awkwardly a moment. It’d be easy to go back to kissing. Mick takes Ray in slowly, running through what he remembers about Kryptonians. “We can’t fix what happened to their planet. It’s a fix point, Krypton dying.”

“Gideon said.”

“What else she tell you?”

Ray shrugs and looks away.

“You didn’t listen,” Mick frowns.

“I didn’t want to.”

Mick steps close again. “I’ve seen you heal slower than you should if you’re a Kryptonian. I’ve seen you…what can you do?”

“The only thing I can do consistently is fly,” Ray admits as he meets Mick’s eyes. “The suit doesn’t.”

Mick grins. “Thought it was weird the fool who stole it didn’t.”

Ray shrugs. “I..ah, it was weird when I was stuck back in time. I could do more things, was stronger.”

“But it stopped when you came on board.”

Ray nods.

Mick frowns. “When was the last time you sat in the kitchen?”

“The UV lights?” Ray shakes his head. “Not consistently.”

“You need to start,” Mick tells him, before asking. “Gideon?”

“Yes, Mr. Rory?”

“I need the location of any Kryponite we have on the ship.”

“There are six different pieces, most of them in the study. There are trace amounts in the vitamins Mr. Palmer insists on taking,” she informs him.

“Can you make him new vitamins?”

“I’ve offered,” she replies.

“Ray,” Mick says warningly. He manages to not wince as memories of Len using that same tone.

“They’re mine.”

“Did you let her explain why?” he pushes.

Ray shakes his head.

“Kryponite’s poison to you.”

Ray makes a choking noise and looks away. Mick doesn’t like how stiff his shoulders are. Ray wets his lips. “My mom gave them to me. Said they were specially formulated just for me.”

“You said sick as a kid?”

Ray looks at him then, smile sad as he confirms, “Allergic to everything.”

Mick crowds in close. “You need to stop taking them.”

Ray wets his lips. “I…I, can I just give them to you?”

“I’ll get rid of them.”

Ray nods. Mick kisses him again, and closes his eyes against the feeling of Ray leaning into him. He wants this. He pulls away and forces himself not to put his façade back into place. Instead he leans in, kisses Ray’s forehead and tells him. “We’re going to go the kitchen. I’m going to fix you a sandwich. You’re going to eat and sit in the light.”

Ray opens his mouth, Mick presses a finger to his lips. Ray frowns.

“I want you to sit there until I get rid of all the Kryptonite on this ship,” Mick implores.

Ray nods.

Mick gives the door a moment to open before he steps out of his room. Ray stands beside him, threads their fingers together and squeezes his hand. Mick squeezes back. He’s not ready to move on. He’s not good at starting a relationship and he’s barely able to take care of himself lately, but Ray is giving him a problem to focus on and is offering him a partnership, Mick isn’t going to turn that down.


End file.
